Questions To Ask The Adoptees In Your Life And A Personal Podcast.
Plus what not to say too!
It was recently the anniversary of my adoption, and I have a fun and deeply personal podcast to share that I recorded with Shaosheen, a long-time connection from the same orphanage as myself!
Before that, though, I’d like to talk about my tattoo.
I have my adoption day tattooed under my collarbone, and while I still love it, I do sometimes regret that people feel entitled to ask me all sorts of questions about it.
Here are some things not to say, and some questions that might be good, given that said adoptee has invited questions.
Don’t say:
You must have been lucky.
Your parents must be great people to adopt.
They must love you like their own.
You must have had a wonderful childhood.
Do you wish you had been aborted instead?
Do you prefer being here to China (or any origin country)?
Why don’t you talk _____ ?
Were you spoiled because you’re adopted?
If I can’t have kids of my own, I’ll JUST adopt.
Love is more important than blood.
How do I adopt?
Things to say/ask (consentually):
What do you wish the world knew about adoption?
What do you wish adoptive parents knew about adoption?
Being adopted must be a lot to hold. How have you learnt to hold everything?
How has being adopted shaped your sense of identity and belonging?
Do you agree with international adoption?
How do you feel about East Asia countries closing international adoption?
What alternatives to adoption might you advocate for instead?
Do you think that adoption could ever be ethical?
How can I help support on certain anniversaries?
How can I understand you and other adoptees more?
Being adopted is not a monolith, so some of these questions may not apply to all adoptees; I can’t speak for all of us.
These are some of the questions I would invite, however, from people curious about my experience, and they may help you love and support another adoptee in your life.
If you are an adoptee reading this, which of these questions would you invite from others?
Feel free to ask people if they are open to listening about your experience without judgment or input.
Now onto my podcast with Shaosheen! This podcast felt especially poignant and special to me since Shaosheen and I were at the same orphanage in Gaoyou, Jiangsu, China. As such, Shaosheen might just be my longest-standing connection! I’m very grateful we got to opportunity to reconnect here in such a way!
Through my own experiences and helping fellow adoptees, I’ve noticed that our bodies often hold trauma, trapped emotions, and limiting beliefs from our time in the womb, birth, and the earliest months of our lives.
In fact, in my last therapy session, I visited my birth to realise that I’d picked up the feeling I needed to be perfect to be loved and safe from internalising that I was born wrong because I was a ‘girl’; I’d been trying to make amends for my entire life for something that wasn’t a mistake in the first place. It was a profound healing experience that I’ll take with me for the rest of my life.
This is why somatic work is soooooo important for us! It enables us to process what only the body can remember. We talk about this, relationship struggles, finding authenticity, and so much more in the podcast!
Please give Shaosheen a follow and like on Spotify, Apple Music etc, to help support her and her podcast!
I’m currently not taking on any new clients until after I’ve moved house in September!
I am currently training in Level 2 of Root Cause Therapy, which will enable me to take my clients into hypnosis, help them more specifically with pain, deal with emotional heart blockages, and even visit a life between lives to discover their soul purpose in this lifetime!
Moreover, I am having some downtime before moving and enjoying my last few weeks in Cardiff before returning to England and moving to Sheffield.
If you want to work with me in the future, feel free to book a discovery call, and you can join my waitlist here on Substack to be notified when spaces become available again!
Until next time,
Kellan from Kai Ming Holistics (BSc, PGCert, IICT)
Certified Breathwork Facilitator and Root Cause Therapist.